I actually dive caves for a living, true story

I think that I use all of my friends.
The amount to which I can use them determines their involvement in my life.
I have a poisonous mind.
I still catch it wrapping itself around ideas such as pain, a critical notary in seeing evil, but more importantly a test of my own willingness to continue; lagging out under stresses of passion, with which my mind is likely to take ridiculous detours to fulfill; becoming foggy with anger, a type of gasoline used in the fire that my soul uses to burn itself away; and in these pursuits, in retrospect, I can only find time wasted that could have been used thinking productively, such as this. Time is something that is precious to a person of myself, one struggling with efficiency, foremost today as a human being, a piece of the puzzle in modern society, but more importantly within himself, efficiency of the use of what is very scarce but valuable to me in that I have a blatant opportunity to correct the wrongness about myself, time.
I see time not as a line, but as a point. One single point. And I am constantly living in that point. The past is always with me, however, and the future I will always have to look upon, and when I use my past as a tool to help grasp a more appealing picture of my future is when I become the most productive in all aspects.
This reflection sparked my think about my friends.
My friends, I use you. And please free yourself from any social definition of the word "use" and see it for what is really is, or what it can be interpreted as. I will use you to learn. I will take from you what knowledge I can either decipher, accept, or inquire for, and when, or more optimistically, if your well runs dry, I will move on to another. I consider someone my friend if I can use them, if they have something for me to take along with me.
Some of them I can run dry in days, some weeks, some in years, and there will be the few whose reservoirs are as big as I regard my own, to which I add the label "best".
It is always a difficult task to test the depth. I can use a flashlight, but sometimes the surface is too low to even see. I can drop a stone, but that won't tell me how much is underneath the surface. It is always a difficult decision to dive right in and swim amongst whatever may lurk beneath. I've met some friends to whom the decision was easy, but it had turned out the the water, the information, was too cloudy and I had a rough time finding much to my delight. These friends hold depths, while worth exploring, are outside of my capability to explore, and/or the information that I find is beyond my understanding. But my favorites are those whose depths are so expansive and clear that, in as many earthly years as I may share with them, I may never see the confines. There have only been two, one which is open and looks much the same as I've seen my own to look like, one which is rich in knowledge and a pleasure to scuba into because it is almost like home, in traveling said well I've found new spaces within my own; another which is a bit more of a mirror image, completely opposite but strangely similar all at the same time, my curiosity for which will never be satisfied and my excitement for will never fizzle, as it feels like somewhere in it's furthest reaches it connects with my well. There is so much I can learn during the underwater spelunking of this well of knowledge, so much I can use, that I'll gladly drown myself in it just so my soul will never have to leave it.
Somewhere in there I hope to find some clarification to the tie-ups within my own head, the equations you've solved maybe you can hint me of the answers.
With this generosity it takes for you to allow me to explore you in such ways, I warmly extend the offer to dive within mine, and search as you will, for I hope that I am usable.

uhh yeah i'm zac and I wrote this. this is how i think most of the time, especially when
I'm wide awake and it's morning.
I've had enough of this... whatever you'd call it...
philosophical mumbo-jumbo...
it's seriously 5am and i'm going to bed.
I still have a script to write.